Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Talking Tom 2: Someone's kicking your balls

                             Someone's kicking your balls

Tom with a dashing shining grey fur, pawed along with stylish tail with a white end.

Jerry glided along with a hat. Jerry was pulling his face, apparently lost in thoughts.

It's amazing to think about how on the first day of meeting they ended up going to a bar together.

As they approached the bar, they faced a short pig like figure overflowing from a chair beside the bar door. Ooh, it's no pig. It is a whiskered catty for a bouncer.

The fatty welcomed Tom. "Good to see you Mr.Tom. In right away" he opened the door for Tom.

"Good to see you too Mr.Wiggly" greeted Tom.

The fatty, eyed the accompanying Jerry.

"Huhoom... Good evening Mr.Piggly" said Jerry quickly sliding through the door crack.

As they entered the dimly lit moderately crowded inside of the bar, Tom turned to Jerry and said,

"What's with you? I heard what you said to Mr.Wiggly. Be careful around here. Speciesm is not welcome in this bar."

"Well SPECIESM, eh? Another surprise I think. I don't know why you take so much effort to act un-humanish even in language. Anyways, how do you know this place. I thought you were a new comer to our area."

"Nah, I was living in the pet store in the nearby street. I'm a regular to this bar."

It was a colorful sight inside, mostly orange shades and black shades. Couple of dogs sitting on the counter drinking their frothing beer. One female cat was pawing her Bloody Mary side by side on the counter.

A monkey for a barman was busy mixing the cocktails.

"Not the counter today I guess. Come on lets go to that table by the counter" pointed Tom.

Jerry followed him.

Many faces were smiling at Tom on the way as he moved.

One long cranky, great dane dog actually came along to say Hi to Tom.

"Hey fella. I thought you were let go today only. Can't miss the bar even on the first day of your buy out, eh?"

"Hey Mr.Man Dog. Yeah, story of my life. Here, meet my new household friend Mr.Jerry, I call him J."

"Hey nice to meet you J"

"Nice to meet you too."

"Catch you later" Mr.Man Dog cranked away.

"One of your another brotherhood truce I suppose" asked Jerry eyeing the parting dog.

"Yes, story of my life" said Tom

Tom and Jerry settled down on their target table.

Jerry made himself comfortable on the table, and sat facing Tom. Tom settled on a high chair by the table.

"Hi Fellas. I'm Ms. Hen. What can I get ya?" crowed a hen for a barmaid who just pulled out menus from her feathers.

"No mistaking, er, Ms.Hen, and I'm Mr.Scurry Away and I will have a pint, and you Mr.Tom?" squeaked Jerry, a slight thread of laughter ready to snap in Jerry's voice.

"The usual, Henny dear" said Tom to her.

She gave a look at Jerry and hopped away.

"Well, so much for checking out chicks in drunken frenzy" said Jerry

"Not so fast buddy. Look at the door."

There she was. Pearly white hat, bathed in orange light, with her black heels having pointy edges with a transparent tops carelessly buttoned.

"Oh the cat" said Jerry blandly.

"What do you mean 'Oh the cat'? Are you blind? She is hot, holy smoking hot." said Tom in outrage.

"It's not like I'm a cat or something to fancy such thing" dismissed Jerry.

"Oh come on, I thought the beauty transcended the boundaries of species. Look at her. See how delicately her tails are swaying slowly, just like her eyelashes batting at the moment. I can see her entire underbelly lining through her shirts."

"You mean the cat belly white stripe? Well, exposure is sexiness in all species then" said J thoughtfully. "And you are dirty which didn't surprise me I wonder why."

"Well, how your race measures sexiness?" asked Tom silkily.

"I would rather show it. Well, I don't see any hot chicks in my dictionary" confirmed Jerry after a quick scan through the entire bar.

"I hope the girls are all scurrying under the boards and reeking corners of the houses I suppose." said Tom with a crack in his face. "Well, think about it. We, the cats are very well socially presentable and soft. We are ideal creatures to decorate the sociable occasions like parties and bars, unlike you stinkies." went on Tom harshly.

"Well well, who talked about the SPECIESM again?" cracked Jerry.

Ms.Hen placed the drinks on the table. A pint of beer for J and a black glass mug for Tom.

They both said cheers and drank a full.

"You are such a lazy bum. You can't even sit on your own hind legs. Look around you. You are the only tailed beast using a chair in this bar." Jerry

Interestingly all people in the bar were either on the table or on the bar counter leaving all chairs empty, so is with Jerry.

"Well you noticed it then. Hey, I always try to be mysterious. If anybody has got the lazy bums, its humans, mind it." said Tom. "The whole table, chair, sofa, stool and bench were the inventions by them".

"Okie dokie. Well, what about your skills with girls. Any piece of advise for a young lad like me?" asked Jerry

"You've got to stay mysterious. Just like me. Aloof and unpredictable. The suckers will fall for it."

"I see"

"Well, its always the case with humans. We the cats have been pets for them for thousand years. We always make sure that we look mysterious. It is very easy. Just stare at them. Look at them as though you are examining a worm in the mud. Stalk them for good in the night. When they are not looking, change places. It always blew their lid off. If you take further little step, you can even kill them with a heart attack. Poor things. I think our 'mew' is a cry of an evil for humans especially in the night."

"More surprises, hey, I thought I told you that you exceeded your quota for today" went J as a matter of fact.

Jerry continued, "Anyways, one correction in your theory. Cats have been friends with man even before thousand years. You know the Egyptians have statues of cats and they lived several thousand years before Christ."

"Hey come to think of it. None of us alive today have lived in those times. So, we don't know what happened even 100 yrs back. All we know is people's story and books and statues. One can't be sure 100 percent right. Moreover, who could say that Egyptians only had statues of their friends. We could've been their enemies as well."

"Or slaves, oh, bite me!" Jerry.

"Oh I wish I could. Well, that goes against our pact." Tom

"Now I have serious doubt that this pact has anything to do with peace or brotherhood. I think it is a result of Mr.Lazy Tail's dragging feet. Not that I'm complaining, but you are a disgrace to Cats, you know that?"

"Hey, I'm like Yin for Yang, Day for Night, Good for Evil, well yes, Disgrace for Grace. I'm still the 'mysterious cat'."


They came out of the bar.

"Good night Mr.Wiggly" said Tom.

"Good night Mr.Tom"

"Good night Mr.Piggly" said Jerry

Mr.Wiggly was apparently trying to assess the situation, his face contorting.

"Oh, Mr.Wiggly, J here has selective speech impediment. He can't pronounce 'V'. Instead he picks up interesting choice of letters to replace"

"Holy pop. There you go, you surprise me again" Said J.

"I know you are fooling around. So, I thought I would give you a hand and play along." whispered Tom

"But my name's got W not V" whined Mr.Wiggly

"Yes that too Mr.Wiggly, you know it's the sound he has got problems with." assured Tom

"Yes, double-yew-ee have to hurry. By the way, someone's kicking your balls." pointed out Jerry

"Yeehaaw" a donkey was swearing near the wall.

"Oh walls you mean. Let me get that damned donkey; Mr.Tom I think I'm getting the hang of your friend's speech" grinned widely Mr.Wiggly

Talking Tom 1: Meaningless Hurry, Rush, Panting and Sweating

                       Meaningless Hurry, Rush, Panting and Sweating

Well, this is a story of "Tom" the cat and "Jerry" the mouse.

One day, Jerry was sneaking around the house as usual eating all the food he can get in the pet-less house.

He heard the front door open. His mistress came in.

She was out for shopping and now that she returned home, Jerry's hopes were rising high about the new food items she might've brought in.

She called out 'Jerry! Jerry! Come and look what I've got for you?'

Jerry went out front and took a good look at what his mistress was holding in her hand.

"Yes Mom, what is it?" a voice startled Jerry from behind. Oh, it's that kid of hers called "Henry".

"Here Jerry, meet Mr.Tom. Tom, this is Jerry." she said.

The purring streaky sneaky woolen thing stared with its bulbous eyes.

This is the day of my life. The day I first met Mr.Tom or just Tom the cat.

"Hello my lovely friends. How'you been?" said the cat.

Two hours later....

Jerry was looping through all the holes, nooks, corners of the house only to be chased by Tom.

Jerry just skidded to a halt in front of his mistress. "Well what is the meaning of this?" he asked her, clearly offended by his mistress' tactlessness in buying such a pet.

"Jerry! show Tom around our house" she said.

"Well I'm not the only one who knows the circuits around here!" exasperated Jerry, wishing that the cat would leave him alone.

"Mom, do you know why they call this a mouse?" asked Henry from his computer table holding the mouse by the wire.

"Why dear?"

"Because it knows the circuits well" said Henry patting his computer and grinning.

"Oh brother" sighed Jerry.

"I'm sorry about that mate. Don't take it personally." said Tom and waited to let the meaning sink in and leered and said "I'm a cat and you are a mouse. That's that. Well, I don't enjoy this chase much neither. It is a cat thing you know. Nothing's personal...!" and swoosh he sprang up on Jerry.

"You insolent cat!" ran Jerry shouting.

"A cat may as well be insolent than not chasing a mouse when he sees one" recited Tom.

"Hey J, stop there!" shouted Tom behind Jerry.

Jerry froze in the middle of his sprint, "Did you call me J?", "What on earth does that suppose to mean?" quizzed J.

"Dude, why don't we talk this through?" said Tom. "Lets stop this bickering. I'm getting bored of this meaningless hurry, rush, panting and sweating for a few minutes pleasure" said Tom innocently batting his eyelashes.

"Ha! Mr.Creepy. You sound like as though this is something mutually pleasurable."

"Okay okay. Let me stop fooling around. Come on, listen to me. Do you know that the furious of all fights is fought among brothers?" waited Tom.

"Your transformation is worth an amusement. Foolish chaser to Mr.Creepy and then to Mr.Creepy Wise Concile Cat" mocked Jerry. "Nevertheless, please explain the furious fight thing".

"There are many incidents in history that suggest that furious of all fights happened between brothers or siblings. You know, the American civil war between North and South, colonial clash among Europeans who descended from a single race, war between Karna and Arjun in Indian mythology, numerous fights over the throne in kingly times, the contemporary India-Pakistan fight, etc, etc..."

He continued, "I believe that our races should've descended from a single ancestor and we should have been brothers many a births ago".

"Seriously, I doubt Darwin would agree to that in his evolution theory" noted J

"Come on. Look at us. We both have bulbous eyes."

"Not me"

"Whiskers, long curvy tail, cautious deceitful movement to catch our food, except for the soft, silky, dandy, beautiful fur that we have, I think you guys lost it to the tail and became full body baldies... pity..."

"Oh, why not. Couple of others. We are vegetarians, and you fools are blood suckers. Then, we don't eat your race, but you eat our race. How about that?"

"Oh come on, lets get past this present and overlook our differences to rediscover our eternal bond." said Tom nicely.

"You know what, so far it was good. Now you started to put me off"

"All what I'm saying is, lets call it a truce and try to be friends, you know, like true friends, like dudes and brothers?"

"Okay. Lets see. Now what shall we do as friends for starters?"

"Got an idea! Lets hit the bar and checkout the cool chicks in drunken frenzy out there."

"Oh boy, cats and mice and, now the chicks to the list. But, you still surprise me. Too many surprises for a single day. Lets finish it with the bar for today" said J.

Tommy returned to his mistress to purr.

Jerry returned to his hole, sat thinking and started munching the cheese he brought in.